10-01-2021, 12:54 PM
Nyxxa stared as she processed Altruis's encouraging words. If she still had eyes, they would have glassed over as she could feel tears coming.
"I... thank you... I... I guess it's just been difficult to trust myself lately. Every time I get some confidence in my own judgement, something happens that causes me to question it. I know... I know that's just how it works. I know that even people way smarter than me don't make the right calls all the time."
As she looked inward, her recent decisions weighed heavy on her conscience.
The situation with Caria was going to be messy, no matter what she had chosen to do. But with Kil'jaeden's involvement she couldn't help but feel the choice she had made had been the wrong one. Perhaps it would have been better to simply give her the glaives back... to have paid to revive her and continue to play along with her obsession.
What happened to Azgadaan wasn't her fault. Any one of them could just have easily met their end in fighting Gruul and his followers, or at the Heart of the World- so she didn't blame herself for that. But, it was her by judgement that the warband had intervened as they did. And she couldn't help but feel worried that the others thought he had died for nothing, given what had happened. Perhaps he would think the same, were they actually able to bring him back and explain what had occurred. Though she still clung to the hope this act of extending the olive branch would mean something, in her heart she was still terrified that they would be right. Perhaps all she had convinced them to risk and sacrifice would lead to nothing. And that would be her fault.
And then, at the heart of it all, there was the fact she still didn't know what had lead her to become a satyr. Though many had encouraged her- told her that given what they knew of her she was likely manipulated into making that choice- she still doubted. After all, they thought she was a much better person then she actually was.
"I... just don't want to let down those people that have put faith in me. And I guess I'm just afraid that any mistake... or too many... might prove that people were wrong to trust me..."
The satyr wiped her eyes, but tears started to fall in earnest.
"But... I'm sorry... I didn't summon you here just to cry at you..." She said with a quiet laugh, trying to fight them back.
"I... thank you... I... I guess it's just been difficult to trust myself lately. Every time I get some confidence in my own judgement, something happens that causes me to question it. I know... I know that's just how it works. I know that even people way smarter than me don't make the right calls all the time."
As she looked inward, her recent decisions weighed heavy on her conscience.
The situation with Caria was going to be messy, no matter what she had chosen to do. But with Kil'jaeden's involvement she couldn't help but feel the choice she had made had been the wrong one. Perhaps it would have been better to simply give her the glaives back... to have paid to revive her and continue to play along with her obsession.
What happened to Azgadaan wasn't her fault. Any one of them could just have easily met their end in fighting Gruul and his followers, or at the Heart of the World- so she didn't blame herself for that. But, it was her by judgement that the warband had intervened as they did. And she couldn't help but feel worried that the others thought he had died for nothing, given what had happened. Perhaps he would think the same, were they actually able to bring him back and explain what had occurred. Though she still clung to the hope this act of extending the olive branch would mean something, in her heart she was still terrified that they would be right. Perhaps all she had convinced them to risk and sacrifice would lead to nothing. And that would be her fault.
And then, at the heart of it all, there was the fact she still didn't know what had lead her to become a satyr. Though many had encouraged her- told her that given what they knew of her she was likely manipulated into making that choice- she still doubted. After all, they thought she was a much better person then she actually was.
"I... just don't want to let down those people that have put faith in me. And I guess I'm just afraid that any mistake... or too many... might prove that people were wrong to trust me..."
The satyr wiped her eyes, but tears started to fall in earnest.
"But... I'm sorry... I didn't summon you here just to cry at you..." She said with a quiet laugh, trying to fight them back.